I was initially going to write this as a Facebook post but after really thinking about what I wanted to write, I wanted to make sure I was able to share it with all those that have been following our journey.
Let me start with how I was raised; my father was (is) an atheist and my mother was raised Catholic. My father didn’t want to baptize me but my maternal grandfather refused to have a grandchild not baptized and since my father was baptized Lutheran, they agreed that I would be as well. My mother and my father did not raise me in the church, they wanted me to find my own way and make my own decisions. Prior to meeting my husband, a little over seven years ago, I had only been to church maybe a dozen or so times. I never disbelieved in God but I never “really” believed either.
Interesting enough my first tattoo was the Irish Claddagh cross with my middle name, Faith, down the middle of it. Now, that in itself is odd, considering my middle name literally came from a baby book and had a hard time saying it as a child. I would say “face,” not Faith. I do love my middle name and I have “Faith” pictures, mementos, etc. everywhere in my house, car, office, etc. Anyway, even when I got that tattoo at 18, I wasn’t a religious person. I have always been a very spiritual person, but not religious.
Not until I was about 22, did I truly start believing in something bigger than me. At 22 years old, I became pregnant, I wasn’t married or even in a relationship at the time and I had no clue what I was going to do. I prayed and I prayed as to what I should do and God made the decision for me. I ended up having a miscarriage. Now, don’t get me wrong, that was a horrible and very emotional experience and I hate that it happened. But it happened because God knew that at 22 and single, I was in no position to become a mother, nonetheless raise a child on my own! I thank God every day for making that decision for me. That is another reason why I believe he waited almost 20 years to give me Logan!
Fast forward to meeting my husband, finding the perfect career, getting married and trying to have a baby. When we were ‘trying’ to have Logan we had to see a fertility specialist, literally to just give us a kick start in the process. On one of the days I was headed to get testing done, I was the victim of road rage. I ended up doing a 360 on the Thruway getting off Exit 24 in morning rush hour and managed NOT to hit any other cars, including the guard rail which I landed inches from. God was definitely watching over me that morning.
Everything about my pregnancy was easy…the only concern was Logan’s slightly enlarged kidney, which was a common abnormality, no big deal. Then came the hemorrhage and he was born via emergency C-section. I argued with one of the doctors who told us that Logan had a deadly platelet disorder and I said to him, “God did not give me this baby at 40 years old to take him away, you take him out and fix him!!!” Logan stayed in NICU for five days and was tested for everything and they couldn’t find anything wrong! The called him the “Miracle Baby” of Albany Med.
Now that brings us to the day that Logan was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma. The doctors said that there wasn’t much they could do and to prepare ourselves for the worst. Again, I couldn’t help but feel that ‘God didn’t give me this baby at 40 years old to take him away!” This is when I put out there that our baby needed prayers. I never shared Logan’s diagnosis in the beginning, just that we needed prayers! Sure enough, three days later, the doctors came back to us and said that he had a Congenital Glioblastoma and were now ‘cautiously optimistic!’
I share all of this because throughout this past year, with everything we have been through with Logan, it has helped me reconnect with God and believe in the power of prayer! Sometimes it takes the worst things in life to find the best things about life. There is no doubt that Logan chose my husband and I to be his parents for a reason, all of the connections and ‘coincidences’ that have happened over this past year are surreal! I say ‘coincidences’ in quotes because honestly, I don’t believe in coincidences, I truly believe everything happens for a reason….and God gave us Logan for a reason. Because HE knew that we were strong enough and financially, mentally, emotionally and spiritually able to handle the situation and overcome!!!
Even though I have been going to church with my father-in-law and Kevin’s grandmother for the past couple of years, I found myself needing something more. I needed to be closer to God, to understand God and learn more about the Bible and who these people were that we call the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit!!! I needed to learn more so that I could raise my son in the church and help explain to him the Catholic Faith and how his parents believed and how strangers have prayed for him. I needed to do this for my son, for all of you that have prayed for our family over the past year and most importantly, I did it for me! I did it so I could be closer with God and have Faith in the world and in this Life.
So, last night at Easter Vigil, I received my first communion and confirmation at St. Joseph’s Church in Scotia, surrounded by my closest loved ones!
Thank you for letting me share this with you! Thank you to my dear friend Bridget Wells-Smith for being my Sponsor through this journey. Thank you to my husband for your support always and my mom for helping to watch Logan the nights I had RCIA class. Thank you to my in-laws who drove up from North Carolina to be there for me as I got confirmed. Thank you to my BFF, Colby Enides, who is not religious but sat through the two-hour mass and even received communion, to support me.
Thank you to our Church Sponsors Dan Stec and Helen Burke and thank you and congratulations to Andrew and Maxwell who also got confirmed with me last night! And of course, thank you Deacon Stephen Lape and Father Peter Russo!
Needless to say, my middle name is Faith for a reason and I chose Saint Brigid as my confirmation name as she is the patron Saint of infants, and also to honor my Irish heritage and my sponsor!
I hope you all had a very blessed Easter and Passover!