As I sit here on the eve of Logan’s fifth round of inpatient chemo, also my birthday, I am overcome with conflicting emotions. Part of me is excited to go back to the hospital and finish inpatient chemo once and for all but there is another part of me that just wants to stop and not do anymore chemo. While I would NEVER not do chemo, the thought does come across my mind. Just knowing the discomfort Logan will be in in just a few short days, kills me! He has no idea that by this time next week, he will be sick, miserable and in pain. But on the positive side, this is THE LAST inpatient round of chemo! My biggest fear, however, is that he regresses and we lose the physical and mental progress we have made in just the past couple of short weeks at home!
Logan makes so much progress at home! He is now okay with transitions, moving from sitting to laying down. He likes to be held now. He doesn’t fuss every time we change his diaper or get him dressed. He’s really trying with the binky and the bottle. He’s swallowing very well. He’s putting his hands in his mouth. He giggles. He has a tickle spot. He’s very observant and interactive. He’s making all sorts of noises. He’s entertaining himself. He’s doing NORMAL baby stuff….it’s such a wonderful thing to see!!!
But one thing we need to keep in mind is that he has a serious brain injury. And by “we” I mean his fans, our family and friends and yes my husband and me, at times. And by “serious brain injury” I mean he had a large part of his left frontal lobe removed. So when people have commented or reached out to me recently expressing how happy they are for us that there is no visible sign of tumor in Logan’s head, I may not respond as positively as most would think. People have said, “Aren’t you happy/excited/ecstatic?” and to be honest not really! Yes, I am glad to hear that there is no visible sign of tumor but that is minor compared to the big picture of the situation we are dealing with here. Our son was diagnosed with a congenital glioblastoma. He was born with cancer. This is just a small battle won in the long war we are fighting!
While I (we, my husband and I and our families) appreciate the thoughts and positive comments, this is not over! Logan is NOT in the clear and won’t be for a number of years. He was BORN with a brain tumor and is at risk for it to return. To kill the cancer he will have 5 aggressive inpatient rounds of chemo and to make sure it doesn’t return, he will have 8 outpatient rounds after that. He will be on chemo for almost two years….that’s A LOT OF POISON!!! Logan goes back to the hospital tomorrow night for his last round of aggressive inpatient chemo (about 3 weeks) then he will start his eight rounds of outpatient chemo a couple of weeks after that. Each of those rounds is 40 – 50 days, so his immune system will pretty much be permanently compromised for the next 14 months or so. This also means, we can’t send him to daycare, so I won’t be able to go back to work anytime soon. Thankfully we have a large support network and an amazing family that have offered to help so I can go back to work sooner than waiting for his chemo to be done.
The other positive is that Logan has been approved for Early Intervention through the county, so they are actually coming over tomorrow afternoon before we head back to the hospital to do his evaluation. I’m thrilled because we just found out that Whispering Pines will be doing his evaluation and I have heard amazing things about their programs and therapists! I’m also happy that most of Logan’s therapies can be done at home. I do some exercises and activities with him now on a daily basis, including practicing with a bottle and binky but having someone come in, evaluate and track his progress is very exciting!!!!
Yes, we have no doubt that Logan will beat and overcome cancer for good. However, not only are we dealing with chemotherapy for almost two years, we also have to deal with any deficiencies Logan may have due to the two major resections and the side effects of the chemo.
So as we prepare to go back to the hospital tomorrow please keep Logan in your prayers to not only kick cancer’s butt but to also overcome any deficiencies he may have. We will continue to keep you all updated on Logan’s progress and any major happenings. Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers. We truly appreciate it!
We are ALL #LoganStrong!!!!